[ vaguerieT h e a t r e ]

cptbackfire @ 2009-07-19T03:15:00

2009-07-19T10:17:18Z

it's like i'm really in high school again!

god i hate having to act like i'm interested in people. when will the torture end

cptbackfire @ 2008-08-18T23:38:00

2008-08-19T06:39:52Z

SWEET. I always wanted to experience a COLD WAR

cptbackfire @ 2008-06-10T20:07:00

2008-06-11T03:08:02Z

man i really want to just clothesline the next longboarder that decides to swerve right in front of me out of nowhere.

look at the YouTube of these videos

2008-02-22T08:06:33Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuEDkqVvpkk

look at the YouTube of these videos

cptbackfire @ 2007-11-14T07:25:00

2007-11-14T15:26:12Z

im doing so shitty this quarter...IOUGEOlgnalkAPEIGngaoiwoith

cptbackfire @ 2007-10-24T23:20:00

2007-10-25T06:39:46Z

zombie movies are actually pretty deep

heres another quiz for you, you might not wanna read it i dunno:

1a)if you are trapped in a building with 10 other people and your only chance for survival is to send someone out as a sacrifice so you can run for it, would you do it

1b)suppose you go for the sacrifice. youve got a 15 year old with no friends or family, and a 25 year old who is beloved in his community and has a wife and family who depend on him. Who makes the better zombie sacrifice

2a)if your friend has turned into a zombie and is about to eat your face, is it okay to chop off his head

2b)what if hes not about to eat your face? how about hes going to just punch someone.

2c)is your friend-turned-zombie still your friend

3)youve locked yourself in an attic with 10 other refugees. outside a small window you see someone wounded walking through the street, zombies are approaching her and she will face certain death if you dont do anything to save her. but if you go outside you risk blowing your cover in the attic and having all other refugees get eaten. should you try and save her

oh well its not real right

RIGHT then why am i scared walking outside at night now

cptbackfire @ 2007-10-07T18:39:00

2007-10-08T01:40:02Z

purple sky

[oh its gone]

cptbackfire @ 2007-05-30T14:11:00

2007-05-30T21:11:24Z

ran out of food money e__e;;

[edit: osh my checker shoes got a hole T___T]

cptbackfire @ 2007-05-15T07:38:00

2007-05-15T14:38:57Z

ah my god my bed looks so comfortable right now

cptbackfire @ 2007-05-04T07:29:00

2007-05-04T14:31:12Z

wow only about a month left of freshman year of university WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE T_____________T

cptbackfire @ 2007-04-22T15:37:00

2007-04-22T22:37:55Z

fucking moodle

cptbackfire @ 2007-04-15T09:25:00

2007-04-15T17:01:32Z

"with text messaging conversations, unlike real conversations, the time that you spend waiting for a reply is irritating, and a little painful. making you think 'maybe this time he wont respond.' but then you get a long message. At a moment like that, the words that aren't that meaningful can seem so endearing."

cptbackfire @ 2007-04-13T07:46:00

2007-04-13T14:46:25Z

really confused...ugh

Solution to the Hardest Question in the Universe

2007-04-12T06:24:25Z

"why is there something instead of nothing?"

"cookie"

cptbackfire @ 2007-04-08T12:27:00

2007-04-08T19:28:28Z

oh wo its easter o__o

happy easter

starting to understand why breakfast here is served until 2:00 in the afternoon...what happened to me x__x;

cptbackfire @ 2007-03-15T20:09:00

2007-03-16T03:29:34Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x_ZAnnsdrc&
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NboFk-CXs8A&
imitation clazziquai [?]. but czq hasn't released anything in a while so i'll take what i can get

i think i might be hanging out with too much fobby people. i end up speaking broken english on purpose because its actually starting to sound correct to me. something poetic about it maybe--no, thats ridiculous

"umm i just downloaded their third album but i cant find discoid. they definitely have good style i think, but a lot of the tracks didnt really stood out"
......

it mightve been the longest day of my life, but exams are over with, and i've the room all to myself. i was reading a portrait of the artist as a young man--fell asleep and woke up thinking its the end of the world. when will i go home? x___x

after i clean my room.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JEDSBfaY7U&
--

cptbackfire @ 2007-03-05T20:58:00

2007-03-06T05:02:35Z

Existential Qualms
a limerick by daniel sant

a something a something a something
a something a something a something
a something a something
a something a something
and something a something a something

thank you

cptbackfire @ 2007-02-09T13:01:00

2007-02-09T21:03:12Z

apparently my neighbor listens to only one song ever.

cptbackfire @ 2007-02-08T23:50:00

2007-02-09T08:49:44Z

i guess i hadnt talked to him since new years. about a week ago one of my best high school friends, now living on the east coast, contacted me online. he seemed so distressed, in need of a friend to talk to. seperated from his family, friends, his girlfriend, hes seemed like that a lot since we've all started college. i regret that i wasn't warmer to him that night, homework assignments keeping me occupied. that was my new years resolution right? to be a better friend.

[d: i wonder if they really love each other--what they see in each other?]
[m: to him she is a "princess."]

his girlfriend was still a senior in highschool. it's that stressful, suspensful season of awaiting responses from college applications. on tuesday i learned that she broke up with him. to be honest i wasn't all that surprised. born into an affluent family, he would buy her expensive jewelry, escort her places, dine at expensive restaurants, give her everything she asked for, but i was always confused as to whether or not he understood anything about love or sacrifice. i was always confused as to whether she appreciated what he did for her or not.

on wednesday i learned that she died. actually, i knew what had happened even before my friend. i imaginined him dragging feet around his room, head hanging low from some force other than gravity, trying to stomach saying goodbye to the girl he loved, but he didn't know even the half of it.

apparently he came back to washington yesterday at 4:30. i haven't seem him yet or said a word to him.

i really dont know what to think anymore

cptbackfire @ 2007-01-02T17:16:00

2007-01-03T01:16:57Z

its good to be back 9O3 ;D

cptbackfire @ 2006-12-17T16:59:00

2006-12-18T00:59:11Z

hurray electricity is back on--

finals went alright, i think. maybe its odd, but im looking forward to winter quarter ;d

purposely avoiding my high school friends---oh fuck david calling @W@;;

cptbackfire @ 2006-12-07T09:32:00

2006-12-07T17:32:46Z

more of those dreams last night...e__e;;

when did this happen? monday. no, tuesday. a few weeks ago. no. sometime in october. no, monday. no.

why why why am i like this--
i told myself i wouldnt worry about these things anymore--not for a while atleast
[thesis][anti-thesis]
is this the synthesis i was waiting for--

no daniel. no. you know it wont end well whats the difference between dreams and reality. imagination. self-prepared versus existing sensory information and subsequent retrieval. some dreams feel more authentic than reality it was just a dream well whats the difference. this is reality so stop being an idiot well maybe i'm a dreamer.

i dont know who to shop for for christmas.

just eat something. go to class.

cptbackfire @ 2006-12-06T14:49:00

2006-12-06T22:49:35Z

i had a really good shave today. i feel fantastic ;3;

cptbackfire @ 2006-11-30T12:03:00

2006-11-30T20:03:03Z

second in a hierarchy of fish

[how am i not myself??]

2006-11-30T04:00:30Z

kyoka tells me she had a nickname for me before she met me: chuutoro. an inside joke meaning "ordinary person."

i admit i was a bit put off upon hearing this. she still wont tell me exactly what she meant by it. fascinating, though, that she would assign such a nickname to someone hand-picked. "it's weird i know, but you remind me of a male version of myself." how well do we know eachother, really?

by 8th grade my family was starting to pull itself out of poverty through transforming our house into a nursing home [even if my mom would still have to work 24/7, and my dad would still be on the road]. almost a high-schooler, i used to tell my mom that she wouldn't have to worry about my behavior--being unruly or anything like that. "i'm not like other kids, mom." i'd sit at home quietly, solitary, drawing or writing music with stolen software, missing my brother Joe who had just left for university of washington.

but after moving to a different school in a more affluent neighorhood, i only told myself that i was different from other kids because i was unpopular that year. i was only really different in that i continually lied to myself in this way. look at me now: i fit pretty laughably the caricature of a moody, hormone-driven-kid-disheartened-with-the-world;

i remember one night before my brother left for school, i must have drawn a dozen pictures of him--skinny, spiky hair, each one more sloppily drawn than the last. after he left, i didn't really have much inspiration at all. all the characters we'd imagine, the world that existed in my head left with him. i depended on him too much--my identity became a vacuum. now i can't seem to draw anything other than some boy who looks vaguely like myself. i still feel like i have no idea who i am.

at the same time i really dislike the person i was. i never questioned myself or what i had to do until he left. the unexamined life is not worth living socrates said. perhaps thats too much to ask of a little kid? but i still think of him similarly to those years--so maybe i haven't changed at all. maybe i can be like my brother by being unlike my brother.

i think im moving in the right direction, but i dont doubt either of the things she said: that i am ordinary, or that i remind her of herself. as long as i am a someone.